In spite of it being a cold and gray day, I found enough things to keep me busy enough to where the hours flew by. This is the third “fly-over” Thanksgiving since my mother’s death, and unfortunately I still don’t consider myself ready to get back into the swing of holiday get-togethers.
Some years ago a dear client whom I’ve known for a number of years mentioned at the time how difficult it was to attend and/or host holiday gatherings after her mother passed. They were very close, and when her mother was diagnosed with a terminal illness, she took it upon herself to move into her home and take care of her until death. She said it took years for the hole that was created in her heart to heal enough to where the holidays were endurable. She went on to say how the hole will likely always be there, but only a fraction of the size it was in the beginning.
Not long after my mother’s death, she stopped by my office for a chat, and while in conversation I spoke about the hole that was created in my heart. She fully empathized and one of the things she said that stuck was, “Don’t let anyone force you into pretending you’re OK with the way things are because only you will know when you’re hole has closed enough to where you’ll be just fine with celebrating holidays without her.” I don’t think anyone could’ve understood my feelings better than she.
I don’t mean to sound sappy when speaking about this because that wasn’t my intent, but rather as an encouragement for others who have close relatives and/or friends that have been a part of their lives for many long years, and then without notice, they’re gone from this earth. It’s no wonder why we often find the surviving spouse of an elder couple who were married for decades, also pass within a two year period after his or her spouse’s death. I believe part of it’s due to the daily stress of coping with something that was never expected.
Whenever speaking with someone who has recently lost a loved one, I stress the concept of “life transitioning”. We all know that our lives are quietly changing, but rarely notice it because of how slowly those changes take place, but when there’s a death, the transition is sudden and oft times without preparation or notice.
What I believe gives hope to those who mourn, is the idea that it’s just a passing phase or “life transitioning” which takes time and energy to get thru. It’s almost like driving down an unfamiliar road in the dark to where we know we have to keep driving, because if we stop, there may be something out there that could harm or even kill us. Sometimes the dark road is long, while for others it’s short, but the key is to arrive at our next destinations in our lives unharmed. I hope that makes sense.
For some reason, I had an “itch” to play the piano at my office today, so back I went and started playing random pieces. Since I have a very large hymn book that filled with copious amounts of music, I found myself randomly flipping thru it and playing what was in front of me. I was a bit shocked when discovering I’d been seated there for well over an hour. Was I paying attention to the music? No. I think what was happening was a sort of soul cleansing because I felt all that much better when I got up and closed the lid on its keyboard.
I have a feeling it’s going to be a busy Black Friday for me because of the number of people who have tomorrow off. Several days ago one of my customers mentioned possibly stopping by to make an offer on a home he looked at earlier. I also have several letters to get out before the end of the month along with some bills needing to be paid.
Let’s hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving where there were many good and lasting memories created, and not to worry, I have all those many that come to mind on days like today. Happy 2019 Thanksgiving!
Tonight’s one-liner is: Gott gave us memory so we could have roses in December.
