The Three Threads

The Three Threads-1With another deep breath,  I walked away from a closing of one of my office listings to where there was created a soft landing.  I was a bit fearful there would be a last minute hiccup or two due to one of the sellers having to drive about two hours to get here for it.  When I walked into the closing and found all sellers safe and sound, I was exceptionally happy.  In visiting with another seller this afternoon who was a bit uneasy about some of the terms and conditions of an offer on his home when saying,   “I’m not liking this at all because I have a bad feeling I may be setting myself up for a big let down.”  All I could say was, “If you feel as though you’re setting yourself up for failure, then don’t do it because we as Realtors must always remember the sellers are the ones in the drivers seat.”  After making a careful decision, he walked out far less nervous about the whole thing, and I was glad of it.

We as Realtors must always work to preserve the fiduciary relationships we’ve agree to enter and sometimes the general public forgets, that irregardless of whatever anyone else wants in a particular transaction, the seller’s wishes come first and foremost.  When from time to time, we as Realtors enter into what is considered consensual dual agency relationships, we in essence walk a very find and fragile tightrope.  When a Realtor represents a buyer and seller within a transaction and all parties are in agreement to the relationship is when the agent’s real job begins.  That heavy job is to continually walk a tight rope of service to where the sellers’ and agent’s fiduciary relationship is preserved, along with treating the buyers with honesty and fairness.  As long as all parties involved are being fully served within their rights by the duties of that consensual dual agency, then there is nearly always a soft landing for all parties involved.  I’ve heard many stories of the hyped up bunk about buyers really needing to have their own “agent” to represent them, when in essence if a real honest to goodness by-the-book consensual relationship is established, the need for an outside player should be required only if a buyer or seller insists for it on their own volition, and not by having unfounded fears instilled within them.

As one of my dear long term clients approaches death, I’ve discovered the dark side workings within his family.  After encountering situations like this more times than I want to remember, I’ve discovered several threads connecting them all.  The first thread is guilt.  That deep, dark, gnawing guilt of those should have’s, would have’s, and could have’s, but fully knowing those thoughts to be far too late, so then the overly punitive remarks are directed at those closer to the dying one’s circle.  The second thread is denial.  There’s a primitive denial of their lives being on a threshold of irreversible changes. They dance around those who are dying and offering flowery words and pretending all is well and want it continued into perpetuity.  The second thread refuses change up and past the last breath until they’re finally forced out of their boxy little worlds.  The third and most saddening thread are those who distance themselves from a loved one simply because they can’t handle being in and around another human dying–especially a close family member’s passing.

For them, the death of a parent or sibling is a reminder of their likely less than expected years on this planet.  I’ve heard it over and over again from the experts who deal with estates on a regular basis, and they’ve conferred that those who’ve been the closest during the whole process of a loved one’s passing, are the ones who’re punished the most.  It’s not anything that’s intrinsic to any one social or religious affiliation of a family–it’s all due to one of those three threads trying to undo or redo.  Why is it the closest gets punished the most you say?  I believe because they’re the one’s who’ve understood and come to terms with all the fears associated with death and dying.  I’m sure all of you can find those three threads moving through families of which you’re familiar.  Death is as real as life, and we must come to accept it as simply a process of Nature.

Joe Chodur

About the Author | Joe Chodur

Firstofall....JoeChodurreallydoesn'tliketalkingabouthimselfbutthisiswhatwehavefoundoutabouthim. more about: Joe Chodur

View page.