Above Fear

above-all1After going over some real estate documents with a dear long-term client this morning, she proceeded to mention a book she’s reading concerning fear and the effects it has on peoples minds and bodies. I distinctly remember writing some time ago about the bad seed that sprouts forth all its evils on humankind. We had a good chat about it and I began thinking on and off today about things that have happened in my work world simply due to the fears of another’s affecting me in negative ways. I could give endless examples but I’m simply going to touch one that came to mind today. I promise to share other stories in the future in hopes that in telling them, you as readers will find examples in your own lives and grow fearless from them.

Some years ago I had a client whom I’d become more familiar with due to the length of time it took to get her home sold. She was twenty something at the time and likely due to her age and inexperience with touchy relationship situations, would every so often come to me with problems of which she wanted my opinion. I would listen, ask additional questions, and after awhile I’d selflessly give her my take on how a given problem could be remedied. She normally took my advice and followed through with what I suggested and it usually worked. I finally sold her home and she moved on to a better one that fit her needs more fully. We would chat maybe once a month or two and life went on for the both of us. As chance would have it, I listed a home months later belonging to a male with whom she had stormy relationship some years earlier. Once she found out I listed the property she became different in a way that was subtly noticeable. She would make statements about him that were not nice at all, and the more she’d say, the more I would back away from getting involved. It came to the point where she was bad mouthing him and his home to where I finally told her in a not so pleasant way to back off because her hidden agenda was having an effect on my getting his home sold. Each month the listing continued to be shown, the more the covert she became in her volleys of negative stories told about the home and its owner.

The more she pushed, the more I continued to distance myself from any and all trumped up stories she had to tell until it came to a point of my not returning her phone calls which I knew would create an even wider chasm between having anything to do with her in the future. Well, I finally got his home sold for much less and everything went back to normal for the seller as he moved on with his life. I can say he was the perfect gentleman during the whole process and I admire him for his rising above the nonsense that was created by his ex-girlfriend. After some years have passed, I discovered she was undermining my integrity by saying a few not so nice things about me. When I first heard of these dark statements, I was deeply hurt. There was nothing imaginable that I’d ever done to her to warrant such talk. Being in the whole mix of her sale and purchase, along with the sale of her previous lover’s home, caused me to be nearly 100% certain she was afraid of what I or the world would think of her being so nasty from the beginning. Her taking an offensive direction towards my client as well as myself proved it. She likely remains in the state of fear. Thankfully, from beginning to end, I remained resolute in selling his home while remaining fearless.

Be alert, for fear can be a deadly animal that lurks in the dark shadows deep in our psyche. Go fort and fear no more!

Joe Chodur

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