EntanglementWhew!  It certainly was another scorcher today with the combination of heat and humidity.  Early this morning I was delighted to find two men seated on the public bench outside my office who are part of a country band visiting and playing in Clear Lake while here.  They were on break from an interview with the radio station down on the corner. I was brought up to speed at how hot it really does get in Texas during the summer.  One of the young men mentioned that it’s sometimes gets up towards the130 degree mark.  I was apologizing for how hot it was already this morning and they were insisting it to be absolutely wonderful.  One of them said that if he becomes a millionaire with his popular band, he’ll be back here to buy a summer home. The vehicle they were driving was a Mercedes van, so maybe they are on their way to millions.  They were very impressed with our downtown, and I was quick to mention that it’s just the beginning of bigger and better things to come.

One of my afternoon appointments took me to an acreage one of my dear old clients is planning on selling.  I was quite impressed with the site as well as the amount of land that’s there.  I’ll be doing some deep market research before visiting with them again.  We are so fortunate have so many exceptionally sweet people living in North Iowa.  In conversation with them, I was informed about an unfortunate situation with one of their relatives who recently passed.  They had both been married before and the second marriage was not so healthy for the husband.  He was likely psychologically as well as what it sounds, physically abused by his younger wife.  She managed to control his every choice and movement thru those longer than expected years together.  My clients informed me there were few people who really knew what was happening in that relationship due to his nasty wife putting on a show whenever her children were around.

My clients were distraught by the treatment given to their relative by the wife’s children after she unexpectedly passed.  I attempted to console them a bit by saying, “If you were able to see all the abuse in families I’ve seen over the years, you’d be shocked.”  I went on to say, “It happens far more than anyone would expect and most cannot get out of those relationships because of their attempt at keeping up appearances and trying to make things better.”  Unfortunately those dysfunctional relationships don’t ever get better, and they more often get worse as the abuser grows older.  My last comment really did make them feel better when I said, “I’m an absolute firm believer in what goes around comes around, and unfortunately that poison of abuse moves on to be faced by the abuser’s children—especially if they knew deep down it was happening yet continued to prop up their abusive parent.”  As I drove away I was happy they brought up the subject in hopes they’re not going to allow any ignorant people giving them grief.

The husband did say how early on he’d suspected his relative was being abused due to his evil wife never allowing her husband to go anywhere without her.  Yes, that’s a sign of a dark jealousy and absolute control.   I’ve seen endless photographs of family members over my long years of selling homes and I can’t help but sometimes notice there being a guarded sadness on the faces of some pictured. I call those photos the cloaked trace markings of an abusive entanglement.

Joe Chodur

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